Thursday Hate (apologies to The Car Whisperer)

I'm co-opting thursday hate from The Car Whisperer because there's just so much to hate.

Before that, a word from my sponsor: Starbucks Coffee, 5406 W Devon.

Wanted: Barista With a Sense of Humor

Are you a morning person? Are you a morning person only after you've had a bunch of coffee? In either case, you'll do well here because we're open at the buttcrack of dawn and you can have as much coffee as you want. The pay probably sucks considering you're mostly dealing with assholes who want gas-station cappuccino flavor from our carefully roasted espresso beans, but there's a good chance you can get health insurance after you work here for a while. At no time are you allowed to be surly with these assholes. They're the lifeblood of our business and the money that goes into your pocket will be coming straight from theirs. If someone cracks a joke (especially a not funny joke), suck it up and stroke the customer's ego a little about them being "a funny person". You can make fun of them later if there's down time.

Ok, now that the hate disguised as fake advertisements is done... THE LIST.

- You rode your bike to work?
- Dog Snuggies (that's why they come with a built in FUR COAT, fuckface.)
- "Get on the Sidewalk" from a single occupant in a whale of an SUV.
- "You're blocking traffic" from a non-practicing member of the Illinois bar who is a single occupant in a whale of an SUV
- Single occupants in whale-esque SUV's
- Nosing into parallel parking spots when I have 200 lumens of blink on my handlebars
- Mozzarella and Marinara Pringles. So much wrong about shaped, flavored, dried potato slurry.
- 70% Chance of Rain and 43 degrees Farenheit

Lance and Bowerman meet on the LFP

As usual, Mondays are a 60 minute Active Recovery ride for me - tonight I set out on the Lakefront Path (LFP) to get my easy hour in. Keep in mind that AR rides are sloooow. It's taken me quite a while to really get the hang of it, but now I actually enjoy riding under 120bpm at 13-15mph.

I'd ridden down to the Oak Street Chicane and turned around after seeing nasty skies, figuring it's better to be closer to home than not if the skies rip open on me. On my way back north, just barely north of Belmont, I call out 'on yer left' to a guy jogging on the path's yellow line at belmont... let me present:

meets

me: on yer left!

jerk: ...no room for you assholes...

me: (Slowing) What's that?

jerk: Yo, Lance - you guys think you can... (I'm still too far away)

Lance: (I've apparently been renamed) Sorry?

Bowerman (tit for tat. I can rename him to a famous runner): Like, where were you in February, huh?

Lance: Me? On this path, right here. By the way, my name's not Lance.

Bowerman: Yeah, Lance. right here, baby. I run yeeear round. Lance.
(editor's note: editor is not in peak physical condition, but being around a LOT of very physically fit people, I "know it when I see it". He wasn't it. He did, however, point to the ground and himself in a fashion similar to this douche on the right.)

Lance: Um, ok. I'm out here all the time, man. I even have Gore-Tex winter boots.

Bowerman: ...Lance.

Lance: Why all the hate, anyway?

Bowerman: You guys think you're such... (inintelligible aside from another Lance)

Lance: I'm not just some pathlete, dude. I'm pretty serious...

Bowerman: Ha. Pathlete. That's a pretty good one, Lance.

Lance: Ok, whatever, douchebag. Have a good night.

With that, I rode away and finished my Active Recovery ride, though my HR was around 130 because of my frustrating conversation with this idiot.


I'm still not entirely sure why I slowed down, I guess I thought he might have something interesting to say? FAIL. Whatever. I should work on ignoring idiots like this, especially since this kind of heckling will never, ever cease. People don't get cyclists, we're a strange looking bunch, shaved legs and Lycra and the "little seats and weird pedals". Like most people, they ridicule what they don't understand... and they definitely don't understand a wet, snowy lakefront path ride in February when it's 28 degrees outside.

Maybe I pay attention to them because I just want to put them on a bike, especially at the velodrome, and help them understand a bit. I guess I can let Peak Oil put them on a bike. There's enough people at the velodrome already, we don't need a bunch of jerks ruining our fun.

Mopeds and Bike Lanes

I saw this post from Lawyer Jim at Chicago Bike Law and was inspired... He's spot on - with gas prices escalating there are an increasing number of people riding scooters and mopeds in the bike lanes, and the drivers seem to be under the impression that it's their right to do so... I encountered a scooter in the bike lane when Southbound on Damen at Montrose, the exchange went something like this:

Me: "dude, you can't have that thing in the bike lane"
Dude: "what?" (we were at 17-20mph)
Me: "get that shit out of the bike lane, no motorized vehicles allowed"
Dude: "it's 49cc!"
Me: " doesn't matter, its got a motor. get outta the bike lane or I'm calling your plate in"

At that point, he did merge into the regular traffic lane and I kept on southbound... when I looked back a block later he was in the bike lane. I think he might have realized that my threat of calling in his plates was thinly veiled as he hadn't even registered the thing... it's likely he thinks that his 49cc scooter is exempt from all sorts of laws - perhaps due to an overzealous scooter salesman, who knows.

(to clarify, the only exemption provided by a 49cc you don't need a motorcycle endorsement on your license in order to operate it.)

Chicago Municipal Code:

9-40-060 Driving, standing or parking on bicycle paths or lanes prohibited [as of March 2008]

The driver of a vehicle shall not drive, unless entering or exiting a legal parking space, or stand, or park the vehicle upon any on street path or lane designated by official signs or markings for the use of bicycles, or otherwise drive or place the vehicle in such a manner as to impede bicycle traffic on such path or lane. The driver of a vehicle shall not stand or park the vehicle upon any lane designated by pavement markings for the shared use of motor vehicles and bicycles, or place the vehicle in such a manner as to impede bicycle traffic on such lane. In addition to the fine provided in Section 9-4-025 of this Code, any vehicle parked in violation of this section shall be subject to an immediate tow and removal to a city vehicle pound or authorized garage.

Damnit.

http://www.readersdigest.ca/blog/

This needs to stop happening.