Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wednesday Hate (apologies to The Car Whisperer)

Dear guy in the locker room who takes up ten times more space than he should,

I understand that you're used to sprawl. I do. You probably live in a 4000sf house that's on 1/6 acre of land at the end of a cul-de-sac that prevents any sense of a "neighborhood" from forming. You park your 12mpg SUV across two parking spots at Wal-Mart so you can "keep its resale value" (good luck with that @ $4/gal). You obviously move around a LOT of gym clothes with you in the huge duffel bag that's parked on the floor next to my locker.

Why do you feel the need to burden others with your desire to sprawl? I understand that you might want to have 2 or 3 days worth of gym clothes in your bag, that's understandable... but maybe you can keep the clothes IN THE BAG? On that note, maybe the bag can be somewhere close to the locker that you're "using" rather than 10' away, adjacent to the opposing lockers, contents vomited all over the floor.

Perhaps nobody has ever told you that it's patently rude to do this. Maybe you're aware and don't give a shit because you're an inconsiderate asshole. Maybe you turn on two showerheads at once and use them both because you're that cool. If so, I bet your kids think they're three-popped-collars kinds of cool.

Consider this your official notice. I'll crosspost this to Seattle Craigslist, too. If your sprawl extends into the online world, you should come across it between CL and Facebook. Unless you're busy parking across three spots on your way to buy disposable diapers while driving your 12mpg SUV.


Guy who uses ONE locker and the 3' in front of it. Only.

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